The Wayward Podcast Episode 11, Wayward Sleep: Can I get a… nap?

The Wayward Podcast brings you… sleep! Well, not really. Actually, this episode talks mostly about the absence of sleep. Can we relate? OBVIOUSLY.

The Wayward Podcast is always so good. You know this, and you know I know this. In the episode “Wayward Sleep,” Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster talk to us about their sleep habits, stories, hangups, and tricks to find it when it’s keeping its distance.

Some of us sleep a lot, some a little. Sometimes we sleep well, sometimes not. Whether it’s pain, time, our busy brain, or some other mystery, we have all dealt with times (sometimes LONG times) that we just couldn’t capture those zzzzs we wanted.

And sleep is no joke, people! It has been shown that driving while sleep-deprived is comparable to drunk driving! Equally dangerous and not illegal, it is up to you to know your facts and be on your game.

Your brain requires it and will come to collect, regardless of your wayward plans and schedule. Before we launch into these amazing stories and wayward facts about sleeping and not sleeping, make sure you’ve checked out the “Wayward Sleep” episode of the podcast.

And don’t forget- If you want or need assistance enjoying the amazing content of The Wayward Podcast, a lovely group of volunteers do a thing. Currently available in English and Russian, you can find transcripts here as they are produced. And hey, if you are bilingual and you want to be a part of this effort, feel free to introduce yourself!

So if you’re all caught up, let’s get to talking about what they talked about!

No sleep ’til…

We’ve all been there. That “um, I have to take a quick nap right now” feeling. It may be while you’re sitting in a waiting room, on a commute, watching something, even talking. One way or another, your wayward brain will eventually come to you and say, “we’re all done in here, we’re closing up shop.”

Most people have their bedtime routine, their cozy bed and great pillows, and all that jazz. At least, that is what we have assumed. However, the reality is that most people have a sleep problem of some kind, at some point and sometimes continuously.

One study suggests that (as of 2015), 164 million Americans struggle with sleep at least once a week! In addition, the study also says we’re spending around “$41 billion on sleep aids and remedies,” and those numbers are rising.

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Kim mentions more than once on The Wayward Podcast that sleep deprivation is a form of torture. That is certified and also discussed in the article detailing those numbers I mentioned.

Let’s look at me (or several of my kids) as an example. I have a lifelong struggle with sleep. Why? Because I have to sleep at certain times.

I have never felt more at home than on the west coast. Why? Because I can stay up until 3am and go to bed at midnight at the same time.

Yes, I am a night owl. I just am. No thank you, no need to send me your solutions because I have tried them and I don’t even want to change.

I appreciate the sentiment, I am just like you and have tons of ideas. I’m sure yours are awesome, likely better than mine, I probably haven’t tried them after all! But this is who I am and it’s OK with me.

My issue isn’t even with sleep, it’s with waking up. When I’m tired, I go to sleep. Boom. But if that happens at 3am and I have to be up at 6:30am for the school rush, I start moving into the “nap is coming for you” zone after a few days.

For this reason, I work to maintain a limit on bedtime. I don’t have a literal bedtime, but I have the “oh crap” limit. This is a time on the clock where I say “oh crap, I’m gonna be in trouble if I don’t make this happen.” And it’s not usually simple.

And I also have a lot of tricks of my own! For anyone who is interested, one of my favorites is deep relaxation mixed with binaural beats. And let me tell you, there is no end to the alleged benefits of both of these practices, alone or together.

The binaural beats info is finally going mainstream now (I will vouch for them, personally, from years of individual experiments), and they are not just for sleep. Check out how they are said to be able to heal you and destroy your anxiety with literally no requirement but listening to music!

Deep relaxation is amazing during meditation but even more delightful if you use it to fall asleep. When you are meditating, there’s just this tiny part of you that knows you’re gonna have to come back soon and for me, that is a little bit hindering. I’m still practicing. When you know the end result will be a total let go, somehow it’s a little more amazing.

Briana shared some stories for us about what she’s going through right now being in her new abode. Congrats on the move, Briana! But as most of us know, new sounds, new walls, new mattress… no sleep. It takes time to adjust and she likes to just pull down the “closed for business” shield- the sleep mask.

This isn’t always enough though, as Kim knows. She has had a long struggle with sleep for her own various reasons. She has been down the Ambien road, as well, and one time woke up with tons of candy wrappers all over her bed (and I kind of got the idea she didn’t know how that happened)!

Ambien is known for having this special side effect of causing sleep behaviors, (including driving) without memory attached, in many cases. But even without medication, the condition known as NSRED (Nocturnal Sleep-related Eating Disorder) is only one of many clinical sleep issues that can give us a hard time or even be dangerous.

So when you’re stuck like Briana (or me), thinking of all the million ideas and things at 3am, there are things to try. But in the long run, remember it’s likely there’s an external (or internal) factor that can also be solved to bring fewer instances of that happening. There are many odd causes and facts about insomnia and varied rest patterns. Knowledge is power.

We’ve talked about it before, but sometimes, all you have to do is what Briana decided to do, take a few things off your plate. It can and sometimes must be done. Otherwise, you’re gonna end up sleep eating or accidentally assaulting someone with your murder pillow.

Let it go

Sometimes you just have to let it go. Now don’t take me wrong, I’m not just talking about “oh it will be ok, don’t worry about it.” This is not a Disney movie.

Of course, you have to also learn to let things go, in the obvious figurative way, but I am talking about much more than that. No, no, I mean let the idea of sleeping go. Or you know, just your wayward butt muscles.

Kim talked about how she has been meditating for over three years now. She takes a lot from the practice but always has felt that it wasn’t as much as she thought it could be. A couple of weeks ago, she realized she wasn’t exactly letting it all hang out while she worked on that practice.

Kim did what comes naturally as we spend time regularly practicing breathing and relaxation techniques. She improved. It got easier, more effective.

And as that happened, she got more in touch with her body and all of its parts and hiding corners. Believe me, there are muscles and cells and everything in between that are hiding from you that you have yet to discover.

So Kim realized during one of her sessions that she did have an area of tension that she hadn’t really paid careful mind to before. It was her butt. She was clenching her butt. You think you don’t do it, but you do.

It’s part of balance, centered appropriately on the body, and very functional. Most of us use it WAY more than we think. If you don’t believe me, try functioning with a bruise cheek (or broken bones in your spine).

So letting each muscle relax is something that takes practice, as Kim reminded us. And this is another good reason to start with a guided meditation or even go back to one after you’ve had lots of experience. When we get comfy with our patterns, we can become desensitized or even complacent, and a reminder is a good tool for everyone.

On top of the muscles, sometimes the best way to actually find sleep is to stop looking for it. My mom found great success when she gave up. I have now learned to do the same and advise my kids to do it when they come to me (like, every night, looking like that fantastc “I just threw up” meme) and say “I can’t sleep.”

I’ve advised them to rephrase to “I’m having trouble sleeping,” first of all. Let’s keep it real, right? And they all know the deep relaxation methods. So when they come to me, I know they’ve probably tried those things already.

They have the same issue I do, they aren’t really tired, but they have to get up for school. Yes, I am always considering homeschool. Moving on.

So, I do often tell them to just forget about it. Just find something to do, read a book, watch a video, listen to music, make a craft. I get into these creative, very wayward, mania-worthy phases when I can’t sleep. I once remodeled a bathroom over the course of six or seven nights when my schedule was trashed by a new baby growth spurt.

Whatever relaxing thing they enjoy, just do that instead. Result? Sleep. Sometimes, it’s just trying so hard that makes it impossible to succeed. I’d much rather come out of it all with a cool looking bathroom than a week full of self-punishment because I couldn’t command my poor, overstimulated brain into dreamland. Insomnia never bothered me, anyway. Right?

Finishing move

Kim and Briana both talked about the wayward sense of power they get from being heightened at night. Sometimes this comes from not using that wind-down time to do relaxing things like enjoying a foot rub with the significant other or reading a good book. I am guilty of this thing to which they refer.

It’s either “the kid(s) are in bed so now I am me,” or “finally I can focus on this thing online or in the news or whatever, now that the day is done,” or “tomorrow I am so going to ____.” Any of these things happen at night. Or in the middle of the night, as Briana mentioned.

Sometimes we get ourselves so hyped up at the end of the day that we are not in any way prepared to shut it down. It actually creates many more reasons to stay awake. But even when we are able to finally stop, our brains do not get on page.

Briana likes routine, sleep masks, and Sleepytime tea (shoutout Briana! I love that stuff! – btw, they make a formula for kids, you know, in case your littles ever want a safe remedy). Kim has tried lots of stuff and tries to only go with melatonin or something, when she is out of the country or otherwise schedule-shocked.

The other main issue people face is staying asleep. Sorry guys, melatonin is not for this, and there are few ideas that are. What the heck do you do when you wake up at 4am and you’re just done sleeping? Do you struggle to get it back? Do you just stay up? Either way, you’re gonna feel that later, and sometimes now.

Those amazing dreams Briana has been having lately can only happen in a certain state of the sleep cycle. Many people don’t get to have them at all. While Kim’s husband often has very vivid horror movies in his dreams (yikes!), dreams have been thought by some of history’s greatest minds to be a form of message delivery from the back of our minds to the front. This can be really useful!

If you are a believer in this idea (I am), you can look up the symbols in your dreams and figure out what the heck is going on with you. There can be clues to your health, underlying emotional stresses, or unrecognized details of your life around you and relationship issues.

But you can’t have dreams if you don’t get to that sleep state. Fitful sleepers, those with apnea, and other individuals will not have dreams as often or ever. When you do, it’s a good indicator that you’re improving your restfulness.

If you have to do things that keep you on the societal schedule of the NYSE, you’re gonna be faced with times you can’t fall asleep and you must. If you have a different lifestyle, bravo, be as wayward as you want and let it go! Otherwise, listen to your body and find your own groove.

Kim and Briana want to remind us that whatever you do, whatever you need to do, find it and do it. Most importantly, we need to learn to rest. We may not be able to sleep when we want to, but when we do, it should be good sleep. And we must treat ourselves well. Look for those finishing moves for the day, find a routine if you need one.

Whether it’s your tea and sleep mask before bed, horseback riding every day (careful, Kim! xoxo), yoga, meditation, or anything else you do daily (or stop doing!), find what you need and make it your thing. And don’t be afraid to change your thing if it isn’t doing the trick anymore. or if you just don’t want to anymore! Just remember to find a new thing.

Sleep is necessary, however you get down with it. And in between, find your ways to relax and refresh. Meditate, read, whatever you do, do it. “Proper rest is just as important as work, family, self-love,” Briana says. And this is the truth. Carry on, wayward nappers!

Do you have a favorite way to fall asleep when your brain is not doing the thing? Tell us your tips, tricks, and challenges in the comments below, or send us a tweet!

The Wayward Podcast airs new episodes on Mondays! Check out current and past episodes on Podbean!